你就是我的心跳

i juz got my Major Project de topic this week. it seems like a veri interesting topic and the vet that gave mi this project he said that project is given to mi as their company de project. and he mention that, if this project is well done, it may be brought over to australia de riding school or something like that for presentation. coz they actually had an international conference on something regarding my project. so they hope that i can produce a result that they wanted.

but before that, upon completion of my project, i'll have to present it to all the vets present in the turf club. they will judge how i fare and decide on the later ones. the vet who scope this project for mi was oso veri helpful lor. he actually helped mi to find all the relevant acticles for mi to read up as my literature review, while others have to find all by their own wan lor. he gave mi the project on tues late aftnoon n he handed mi tons of articles on wed morning!!! so gd rite? i so looking forward to working with him for my MP lor. guess i'll be busy with my MP these following wks ler.

i juz get to know that u arent feeling veri well these few days. so i really wish that god will bring all these away from u and nth is going to hppn to u de. hope that u'll be happy n carefree from now onwards.

take care gal.

只要你过得比我好 by 钟镇涛:

^不知道你现在好不好
是不是也一样没烦恼
像个孩子似的神情忘不掉
你的笑对我一生很重要

#这些年你过得好不好
偶尔是不是也感觉有些老
像个大人般的恋爱 有时心情糟
请你相信我在你身边别忘了

*只要你过得比我好 过得比我好
什么事都难不倒
所有快乐在你身边围绕
只要你过得比我好 过得比我好
什么事都难不倒 一直到老

重复 ^ # *, *x2

• 9.44pm

我之前还以为我能够追回我所失去的一切一切，但我才发现，世界上最快的奥运田径选手，它也许能追得上匹马，狮子，甚至是豹子，但他永远都不可能追得上一样东西，那就是时间。连奥运选手都最不回时间的步伐，更何况只是区区的一个我？时间，它也许是个治疗伤口的最佳良药，但也可能是个无声的杀手。

• 9.10pm

i juz know last wk that all the horses that are in turf club has to be castrated as the production of testosterone will divert their concentration on the running for the races. then 2day when i made my way to endoscopy to collect the blood tubes for testing, i was told that there is a horse that is going to be castrated on the spot!!!! n i was actually asked to stay to watch how the vet did it!!! the onli appropriate word that i can use to describe that whole process is GORE!!! its really bloody n gore lor. the worse thing is that before i know all that, the vet tell mi that they are going to prepare a wonderful breakfast for mi and asked mi if i wanted it baked, or grilled. then i look so blur down there until my mentor told mi that they are going to perform a castration on the horse. it literally makes mi lose all my appetite for my lunch. though the scene wasnt pleasant at all, but its really an experience for mi to view that whole process.

• 9.40pm

没有你的第75天，我觉得我过的不是很好，但能说的是至少比之前好多了。可能是因为现在attachment的关系，就比较忙了些，然后也没什么时间去想以前的事。但是偶尔时不时，你还是会突然的出现在我的脑海里。每次想起你，眼泪还是会情不自禁的往下掉。我还真得很怀念与你在一起的每一份每一秒，虽然我们已不能回到过去，但是和你在一起的所有回忆，都是值得怀念的。我还是无法放得下你，你已占据了我心里大部分的位子了，已经没办法在容得下别人。我这几天都有一直上你的部落阁，想知道你最近过得好不好，有没有什么头昏脑热的，因为我真的好害怕会完全失去你的消息。但我知道你最近应该都过得很好，这样子我就已经很安慰了。

还很怀念你叫我‘傻瓜’的那把声音。但那把声音我想应该永远都不会回来了吧。

依然好想你。

温岚的傻瓜:

其实他做的坏事我们都懂
没有什么不同
眼光闪烁 暧昧流动
闭上眼当作听说

^其实别人的招数我们都懂
没有什么不同
故作软弱 撒娇害羞
只是有一点别扭

#傻瓜也许单纯地懂
爱得没那么做作爱
上了我不保留

*傻瓜 我们都一样
被爱情伤了又伤
相信这个他不一样
却又再一次受伤
傻瓜 我们都一样
受了伤却不投降
相信付出会有代价
代价只是一句傻瓜

重复 ^#*,*

• 9.06pm

ytd, i heard from my mentor that there will be an internal audit nx wk and the auditors are coming on nx monday!!!!! they will have to inspect our lab lor. so 2day n tml will be a veri busy day for mi n my mentor liao. coz we 2day juz cleared the 2 fridges in our lab for the expired reagent. it filled up the whole biohazard bag for ur info okay? its so much n so heavy. den i need to check all the files n documents to make sure that they are in place. i filpped through a total of 4 files which each of them contains 500 lab request form(LRF). i filpped till my hands ache n check till my eye pain lor.

so much things left for us to complete tml lor. hope tml will not have alot of samples or specimens. if not, i dun think we can finish all the stuff by tml. have to clear up all the mess in the lab n tidy it up nicely before we leave tml. guess im prepared to do OT tml already. but btw, im not paid for doing OT. but no choice, have to. coz the audit in on monday liao.

hope i can finish everything by tml.
wish mi gd luck!!!

• 11.03pm

2day heard an extremely bad news @ ard 11am when i reach the endoscopy to collect specimen. my mentor when to see if there is any specimens to collect for testing. den she asked mi to walk over to her side n look at the LRF(laboratory request form), i was stunned to see the test: fecal pH!!!!!!!!!! argh. den we cant find that specimen on the tray, so we went to the vet's office to ask him for it. he said that he placed it on the tray in a glove!!! den we went back to endoscopy to look for that faeces, but it was not there and we ask all the personnel there they didnt see it or might have threw it away. we called the doctor again n guess wat he says? he said: den u guys have to go to the stables and collect it!!!!! i was shocked to hear that!!! meaning that we will have to go collect the faeces ourselves.

so SWAY lor. got fecal de specimen already veri SWAY liao, somemore still lose that specimen.

so no choice, we went to the stable. on the way, my mentor, who is my senior, she ask mi to be a gentleman and do it, so i guess i have no choice but to do it. upon reaching the stable, we ask for the horse to collect the faeces. the trainer was so gd that he collected it on my behalf and handed mi that. so grateful to him lor

den aft that proceeded back to lab to do the test. now the lab stinks like hell lor. hope it will be gone by tml.

it still a fun learning experience though. enjoyed my internship in STC so far :)

• 10.44pm

2day is my 1st day of SIP @ the turf club. the only word that i can use is great!!!!!! coz 2day i learned quite lot of stuffs in the lab from my mentor, who hppns to be an ex TP student in the same course as mi. she juz gratuated lor. i get to learn how to run control samples, data entering and different tests procedures using the analyzers. N 2day i get to do the full blood count using the analyzer 2day lor!!!!!!!!!! following all the test den i was asked to do data entry into the LIS and print the report. the report were later sent to the vets for review n signature.

she also brings mi to the endoscopy department to meet all the vets and introduce them to mi 1 by 1 and they were all ANG MO's lor. i cant see an asian vet there. i cant seens to rmb all their names but i'll try my best to. n i get to speak to a vet as he came to our lab 2day. i saw him extracting all the serum from the blood tubes using a syringe, so i asked him why is he doing this. he told mi that actually this is used to treat the horse's (same horse from blood drawn) eye as it hurts its cornea. he said that the serum is actually good for healing of eye injuries. thats really a learning point.

overall it was a wonderful 1st day @ turf club as i get to see many horses and meet many ppl.ppl there are nice, friendly n helpful towards mi as a intern, esp my mentor. she is really patient. although she had many things to complete on a monday morning, she drove mi (using a buggy) around to familarise with the environment and teach mi step by step each of the procedures of each test.

hope that each day will be a fun learning experience for mi @ turf club :)

• 10.37pm

今天下午2点，我准时地在越好的地方等你，但却迟迟没见你来的踪影。我等到差不多要快5点，你始终都没有来，看来你是还没有原谅我的样子。但没关系，我说过，我能等你10个礼拜，也许我就能等你10个月，甚至是10年，等到你会原谅我为止。

过后我就索性买了一张戏票，看了一场5.30pm的电影，blood, the last vampire。过后在自己一个人闲逛了街，买了两件衣服给自己当作生日礼物。今天我逛过的街，走过的路，都是我们曾经一起牵着手走过的。回忆都一幕幕的出现在我脑海里，是甜美的，但我的心情不是。已经63天，9个礼拜了，你还是深深地刻在我心底，没法放得下你。

tml will be my 1st day of attachment. anxious yet worried about it. hope nth will go wrong tml.

此刻就只能献上这一首歌: 温岚的 '祝我生日快乐'

我知道伤心不能改变什么
那么让我诚实一点
诚实难免有不能控制的宣泄
只有关上了门不必理谁

#一个人坐在空荡包厢里面
手机让它休息一夜
那上千个切掉回忆的画面
眼泪不能流过十二点

*生日快乐 我对自己说
蜡烛点了 寂寞亮了
生日快乐 泪也融了
我要谢谢你给的
你拿走的一切

还爱你 带一点恨
还要时间 才能平衡
热恋伤痕 画面重生
祝我生日快乐

重复#*

• 11.31pm
  

还剩下倒数的几分钟就是我的生日了，今年应该会和往年没什么差，也是自己过。但是我希望明天下午的2点，我会在那里见到你。我不知道你会不会出现，但我还是会在那儿等。因为如果你真的出现的话，我想会是我19年来过得最有意义的生日，你的出现也将会是我最大的礼物。

recently i've found a poem on a webside which i think its rather nice n sweet.

its named The Furthest Distance in the world:

The furthest distance in the world
Is not the distance between life and death
But you don't know I love you when I stand in front of you

The furthest distance in the world
Is not you don't know I love you when I stand in front of you
But I cannot say I love you when I love you so madly

The furthest distance in the world
Is not I cannot say I love you when I love you so madly
But I can only bury it in my heart despite the unbearable yearning

The furthest distance in the world
Is not I can only bury it in my heart despite the unbearable yearning
But we cannot be together when we love each other

The furthest distance in the world
Is not we cannot be together when we love each other
But we pretend caring nothing even we know love is unconquerable

The furthest distance in the world
Is not the distance between two trees
But the branches cannot depend on each other in wind even they grow from the same root

The furthest distance in the world
Is not the branches cannot depend on each other
But two stars cannot meet even they watch each other

The furthest distance in the world
Is not the track between two stars
But nowhere to search in a tick after two tracks join

The furthest distance in the world
Is not nowhere to search in a tick
But doomed not to be together before they meet

The furthest distance in the world
Is the distance between fish and bird
One is in the sky, another is in the sea

The furthest distance in the world
Is not But using one's indifferent heart
To dig an uncrossable river
For the one who loves you

• 11.56pm

i been to E!hub 2day n it has been so long since i last went there. went there for bowling and movie. talk abt the bowling 1st. E!hub the bowling centre was great and i can say my scores 2day is the most presentable as compared to the past few wks. had an avg of 148 in 6 games. my partner was also not bad okay. her top game was 172!!!! higher den mine okay :( mine was onli 170... but i did contribute some effort in that game. her game was clean for the 1st 4 frames until the 5th frame when she had a 5-10 split, i offered help for that frame n spared that split. overall bowling was satisfying.

nx was the movie. went to watch 'ghost of girlfriends' past'. show was nice, meaningful n touching? i guess in the end. haha. and before parting n heading home, she handed mi a birthday gift which i didnt expect it at all. its really out of a sudden and such a surprise. thks so much for that. i cant rmb when is the last time i recieve a gift for my birthday.

a sentence quoted in the movie: some1 says 'the power of the relationship will goes to the party that cares less abt the relationship but power isnt equal to happiness, happiness often belongs to the party that cares more'. i believe thats veri true. although i know i have none out of the 2, but i really felt happy when im with her n care alot abt her everything. even if she finds them irritating now, i wont stop caring abt her. coz i know i love her. at least for now, i know my feelings for u haven changed at all. miss u lots

4 more pathetic days to my birthday. will i get to see u on that day? will u be there?

• 11.48pm

2day is the day that i didnt not get to stay at home for the whole 24hrs which i did for the past 4-5days. went to jurong point for the movie 'night at the museum 2' with my frens 2day, the movie was super nice n hilarious lar. enjoy that so much. so looking forward to 'transformers 2' to show which is on the 24th of june.

on my way to jurong point 2 day, as i got plenty of time, i took the bus 187 all the way from woodlands to boonlay. prefer taking bus than trains as i get to have some sightseeing along the journey. when the bus was reaching 'ur' place, i'll tend to look out of the window to see if i'll catch the sight of u. sadly but expected, i did not. it brought back alot of memories between u n mi on that bus coz that is the bus which i always take to ur hse to fetch u for our outing. on the way back, i took the train as it was rather late. i did a veri silly thing. which is to alight at the station stated NS4 where im not suppose to alight. i tot if i will be so 巧to be able to meet u there. i waited for 2 trains on either sides b4 it come to my mind, y am i here? wat am i doing here? i took the nx train n left for NS9 which is the stop that im suppose to alight n headed home.

• 10.44pm

sry for so long not updating. coz there is nth much to update anyway. holidays have been such a boring wan. for the 1st wk, almost everyday eat, slp, watch tv consecutively for 7 days. unlike the past when my holidays with u by my side. everyday will be a different day. i'll try to make plans for an outing with u. but now, its totally different. everyday seems so dead to mi. nth to look forward to. 这几天，连吃饭也显得没什么味口，菜也显得没什么味道。for mi, life juz seems so meaningless nowadays. im juz like 活一天，是一天。和行尸走肉没什么分别。

说长不长，说短不短。没有你的日子，55天就这样子过去了。都一直没有你的消息，我不知道你最近过得怎么样，还好吗。msn上不见你，msg你也没回复，打电话给你也没人接。你就在这世界上消失了吗？我和第1天一样，依然好想好想你，完全放不下你。

• 10.18pm

finally, its the end of a stressful wk coz term test is over!!!!! this term test i believe its going to be veri bad. i foresee i'll fail at least 2 papers for this term test out of the 5. but dun have to worry, coz i dun have to see those lecturers anymore for at least the nx 20wks, coz im going for my SIP, meaning i wont get back my papers soon. this saves mi frm a heart attack. finally can enjoy for the nx 2 wks b4 my SIP begins on the 22nd this month.

but i know the holidays this time is not going to be like the previous wan, coz u r not going to be there for mi anymore. n it have been 47 days already yet i still cant accept it that u have left mi. i really dunno wat im thinking now. n really dunno wat m i going to do for the rest of the 2 wks. if u were here, i would have plenty of plans up ahead with u. but onli if u were here. 2 more wks de sunday will be my bdae ler. will u be there ma?

i still miss u alot.

• 1.16am

as wat i have expected, 2day is my doom's day. MMIC was really indeed hell lor. open-book test are not easy. coz u know wat? most of the ans cant be found on the book itself de lor. so applicational lah!!! flip like hell oso cant find wan. so most of it i'll usually use my common sense to ans it or i'll juz crap n write bullshit. i think the lecturer marking my paper will vomit blood lor. den i'll get back a paper not white but red in colour, coz stained with his blood!!! i dun really expect much for this paper. total marks is 50. any marks above 25 will be a bonus to mi already.

tml is blood bank. got 6 topics tested lor!!!!! i have juz finish 3 and damn tired liao. will have to continue the rest tml. test is at 5 pm tml.

going to slp now liao. wish mi gd luck. dun wish to see another MMIC paper tml!!!

• 11.00pm

2day was the 1st paper for term test n it was hematology. the lecture hall that the paper was held its god damn cold lah!!!! can freeze inside wan lor. n i didnt bring along a jacket, so no choice but to tahan for the whole duration which is 75mins. the paper is from 11-12.15pm. the paper was alrite, all application qns, but to be fair to the lecturer, the paper is not tough, its manageable. i finish the paper at ard 11.30am. but i saw no 1 leaving the hall so i dare not leave. so i juz stay at my seat n read through my paper. onli until 1145 that i cant tahan the freeze inside the hall that i juz stand up n walk out of the hall

thk god 1st paper was alrite. not much of a problem. but tml is the big problem liao. medical microbiology!!! although that paper is open-book, but i still dunno wat n how to study for tat. n my textbook is more than 800 over pages. so i predict tml i'll flip my book like hell to take reference lor... the paper is onli 70mins. confirm not enough time de lor according to the seniors who had taken open-book test as flipping through the book will take quite alot of time. tml sure die de!!! its juz a matter of time. pray for mi that tml i wont die too badly.

as wat i have predicted, H1N1 have reach sg ler. as of 2day, already got 4 confirmed cases in sg and 13,398 cases worldwide including 95 who died. so i predict that the figures will keep on multiplying until dunno when lor. so juz hope all of u gd luck.

anyway, i had already confirmed my attactment at the singapore turf club liao. think it will be an interesting SIP over there coz get to see horses everyday. but juz that duno wat will my job be over there. but sad to say, turf club onli wan 1 interns frm my course n so im the onli person going there. quite sad lor. but im used to being alone liao. so i think i'll be able to handle that de. glad to hear frm my lecturer that turf club will pay mi an allowance of $450-500/mth for my SIP, although it seems like cheap labour, but i think its alot better den some of my frens who is free labour as they wont get allowance at all lor. my SIP will be starting on 22nd of june which is the day rite aft my bdae till the 6th of nov. so all the best for my trip there!!!

不管6月21日当天2点你会不会来，我都会在约好的地方等你。能与你一块庆祝，是我今年唯一的心愿。不见不散！！！

• 5.03pm

我和你之间发生过太多事，暂时是不可能再在一起。从不认识到认识，从有缘到无份。或者这些都是上天的安排吧。但我终于明白，我们这两棵接枝树的分开，都不一定是件伤感的事，因为他们曾经在一起过。认识你是我这一生最快乐的一件事，我会永远永远的记住这些美好的日子。以后，我会好像细叶榕一样，默默的在远方为你送上祝福，希望你可以永远幸福，快乐。

你是我最爱的人，无论是多久，我都会等你，直到你原谅我为止。

你的幸运王子，麒杰上

• 5.oopm

i have juz watch a new HK tvb drama named 学警狙击. the show is veri nice n this song is veri touching, veri meaningful n i love it so much. this song is sang by the female lead called 江若琳, she is so pretty can? the name of the song is 手掌印, hope u ppl will like it

here is 1 pic of her

要是我重头拣选下个 明显都是错 情感可控制麽
我习惯无人好好待我 唯一伤害过 而且牺牲太多
我若试图忘记一种痛楚 然而回忆迫使背负更多
宁愿你杀掉我 就当我上了一课
做个好心分手彼此都不要拖

*明明你根本称不上值得我的吻
别再忍 好应该摆脱伤心的噩运
而情感 怎么给踩过也不沉
偏要酷爱着你这坏人
为何我即使给掌掴没有太不愤
随便笑 去讽刺我脸上的手掌印
原因 应该出于情难自禁
总要是记着你这坏人的一吻

这段感情无非伤得太多
面上唯一手掌印在唱歌
提醒我你犯错 别再放纵你找我
就当好心分开今天可干脆麽



*

• 1.55pm
  
  

life is juz so sian, so boring. y is life so sian? nth interests mi anymore.

my ECG had officially become like that: __________________________, a flat line. it will not peak or rock bottom anymore. who can revive this for mi? can u?

• 10.18pm

也许我连做你朋友的资格都没有了吧。
我这一种人，根本就不配认识像你这样子的一位女生

对不起。

• 09.57pm

had a fever tis morning n i think its due to the rain this morning bah. or might be my brother spread the virus to mi. coz he oso having fever the past few days.

in school was so terrible lah. the aircon was so cold n i nv bring my jacket along lor n was like turning into an ice bar liao. somemore 2day got hematology quiz!!! i was like rushing through the paper as i wanted to get out of the place asap lah!!!!! its freaking cold in there.

juz went to see the doctor n he look quite young lor. like juz graduate frm NUS like that lor. he prescribed mi with strong dose of paracetamol n naproxen which is a analgesics but he nv give mi antacid tablet n put down a remark there that stop if gastric pain!!!!! its was like WTH!!!!!! i wonder if he made a mistake by not perscribing the antacid tablet.

anyway. was feeling damn fatigue n malaise rite now. guess i'll be turning in early 2day.

• 8.04pm

在今年的母亲节，要为全世界的母亲献上这一首唐诗，是孟郊的‘游子吟 ’

慈母手中线，游子身上衣。
临行密密缝，意恐迟迟归。
谁言寸草心，报得三春晖。

第一二句：兹母用手中的线，缝好了出门远行的儿子身上的衣服。
第三四句：她在儿子临行时密密麻麻地缝了一针又一针，心上怕的是独生子迟迟不回家。
第五六句：谁说小草的嫩茎，能够报答春天阳光的恩。对于春日般的母爱，小草似的儿女，怎能报答于万一呢？

这首诗表达了母亲们的伟大，对儿女们无私的奉献与关爱。
把这首诗送给全天下慈祥的母亲们，祝你们母亲节快乐。

• 10.09pm

今天是我认识你两个月的纪念日，虽然已经没有机会再和你一起庆祝了，但是我还是很庆幸在我的人生中，曾经有你的出现。因为你的出现让我的人生中增添不少的色彩，也让我从你的道理中吸取了不少经验与知识。天下无不散之宴席，欢乐的时光也过得特别的快，只是没想到它会在那短短的5个星期就结束了。我知道我已没有办法再和以前一样跟你一起有说有笑，一块出门，看电影，吃饭，打保龄球了。非常想念你叫我傻瓜的样子和声音，非常想念和你一起打保龄球，总分合计有290和295的分数。非常想念每晚和你聊电话直到你入睡为止，非常想念每次和你在戏院和你玩爆米花的那一幕。非常想念送你回家在190巴士上你靠着我的肩膀小睡的时候。非常想念和你在一起的很多很多，但我也深深了解以前的时光也不可能再回头了，我只希望以后你的人生能够活得更加精彩，更加美好。我也会去试着去习惯没有你的生活。今天这个时候会是我最后一次为你落下眼泪，日后的那些日子没有你，我会好好的生活下去的，我会考到GPA 3.5以上，不会辜负你对我学业上的期望，你给我的那些回忆，虽然以都是曾经，但我非得承认它们都是甜美的。这也会是我花上一辈子也无法忘掉的回忆。谢谢你，谢谢你曾经出现在我的人生中。谢谢你给了我那么美好的一段回忆，好让我怀念一辈子。这也会是我最后一次着我的部落阁中提到你。

虽然我不相信有前世，今生，来世，但是如果真的有来世的话，希望我们还能够再续前缘。
临走之前为你送上最后一首歌曲，js的‘你是此生最美的风景’。

还记得那年的夏天 椰子树占据了海边
太阳光灿烂得刺眼
你轻轻吻了我的脸
飞机越过海面 划下微笑弧线

就在一瞬间 你和我之间
相隔一个世纪般遥远
幻想的时间 却带不走回忆里的画面

*你是此生最美的风景
让我心碎却如此着迷
就算世界动荡
再绝望也有微笑的勇气
你是此生最美的风景
才令我至今一再想起
这样爱过一个人
是多幸福的事情

后来我们又再遇见
虽然成熟了些 笑容却都没变

就在那瞬间 有很多感觉
排山倒海淹没了视线
你没有开口 紧紧地拥抱着却意味深远

*

以为时间可以 像沙滩和潮汐
拭去回忆痕迹 Wo~
我们如果不曾分离
我不会发现最后回到原地 还是最爱你

*

你是此生最美的风景
才令我至今一再想起
这样爱过一个人
是多幸福的事情

• 11.03am

在我的记忆中，我明明记得很清楚和你的每一段回忆都是美好，甜蜜的。但是我总是想不通为什么每当我回想起和你在一起的时光时，眼泪都会忍不住地掉下来。你这样子算是在惩罚我之前所犯下所有的过错吗？这快结束了吗？没有你的日子，人生实在是一点意义也没有。这几个礼拜，除了想你以外，我做任何事都提不起劲儿。你就是我的全部，我的心跳，主宰了我的一生，你知道吗？我需要你在我的人生中给我直指引，因为我曾说过你就像是我生命中的一盏明灯，照亮我的一生。没有了你，我的人生就好像只有黑暗没有了光明。你能回到我的身边，当我的那盏明灯，指引我继续往前走吗？

p.s.: LY, 我需要你，你听见了吗？
很爱恨爱你的傻瓜字

• 9.03pm

my wishlist:

• hope that u r not angry with mi anymore, coz the times w/o u is really unbearable
• chat with u on the phone every nite before u slp n hear a sweet gd nite frm u, as chatting with u will make my day a pleasant 1 even though its not
• get a subway cookies for u like wat i have promised u, coz i know u'll definitely like it
• play bowling with u @ E! hub n get a combined score of >300, coz u'll be veri happy when u bowled extremely well n bolwing alley there is fastastic
• watch a romance movie with u @ the cathay, coz i haven have the chance to catch romance movie with u
• eat botak jones @ the youth park opposite cineleisure with u, as i promised to treat u that
• to sing 爱的主旋律with u hand in hand coz the lyrics of the song is actually wat i wanted to say to u
• go to the airport with u again to enjoy the scenery as thats also 1 of our pleasant memories
• be together with u, which is my wish since the 1st day i know u.

will they ever come true? thats a big question mark inside my head. i wonder do u still rmb all the memories that we had. btw, i still kept the 百万大歌星 show that u ask me to record and im still waiting for u to come my hse n watch that, but dun worry i wont be deleting. so when u feel like watching it ler den u come lor.

anyway, have been having a bad mood n have blew my temper to ppl ard me esp my mum. i wanna apologise to u for that coz i know u r having a hard time at this period, sorry mummy.

p.s.: 我的愿望，你听见看见了吗？
很爱恨爱你的傻瓜字

• 9.42pm

i remembered that i once promised u that i will not let my tears flow down my face ever again but whenever i think of u, the times we had together n ur msn nick, im unable to control my feelings anymore n juz 情不自禁 de cry out loud. this had hppn i dunno how many times ever since u left me n im really not getting any better as times goes by. juz wanna apologise to u once again that i broke my promise that i made to u.

rmb we once sang this song tgt, which is 小鬼&卓文宣 de 爱的主旋律. i hope that i can have the chance to sing this song with u again hand in hand.

鬼：是你在那个雨季 走进我生命
带着一点任性 和温柔的表情
^萱：是你在那个雨季 赶走了孤寂
温暖的笑容 换我仅有的坚定

#鬼：天上一万颗星星 我却只看见你
要说这是幸运 还是不可思议
萱：身边有太多风景 我却停在这里
说我傻的可以 还不是因为你

*鬼：是你的声音 萱:带给我勇气
鬼：恋爱的频率 萱:直到我心底
鬼：如果你愿意 萱:是否我愿意
合：来自我幸福的主旋律
鬼：从前都失意 萱:现在我相信
鬼：天空会放晴 萱:爱会更甜蜜
鬼：如果你愿意 萱:是否我愿意
合：爱的主旋律 永远唱下去

^ # *

la..... la..... la.....

鬼：如果你愿意 萱:是否我愿意
合：来自我幸福的主旋律
鬼：从前都失意 萱:现在我相信
鬼：天空会放晴 萱:爱会更甜蜜
鬼：如果你愿意 萱:是否我愿意
合：爱的主旋律 永远唱下去

#

• 8.33pm

this few days when i open my fridge, i'll see the left over puddings that i took back from sakura when i went there with u n the chocolates that we bought at the candy empire. whenever i saw those stuffs, my mind will 不由自主 de think of u. all our past wonderful memories will float at the back of my mind. thats y i dare not finish all those left over puddings n chocolates coz im afraid that once i finish them, the memories will be gone n never come back anymore. i dunno whether will there be anymore chance that we can have somemore great moments tgt, so i dun wanna lose any of these memories with u. coz seriously, they r extremely wonderful that i will never wan to forget them. hope that we can still have the chance to go out tgt bah.

im really apologetic for all the things that i have done that might hurt u gal, here is another song that i wanna dedicate to u gal, the song is 'sorry' by 苏永康. below is the lyrics.

Sorry... I am really sorry.
我又一次把你气哭在陌生街头
爱你... 我当然爱你
自从第一眼到现在什至没人敢预测的将来
^请你相信不是我不愿意改变我自已
而是一再努力又一再放弃那个软弱的自已

#其实我恨透了我自已没有认输的勇气
让你受尽了不安和委屈

*你是我这一生这一生最最最害怕去伤害到的人
也是我这一生这一生唯一能让我安定下来的人
虽然我并没有并没有并没有一身温纯的灵魂
但是我很愿意很愿意做那个永远照顾你的人
我的爱人请听我有颗不善言语的心
只能够看着你远处的背影

^#**

p.s.:我是真心想跟你说声sorry，希望你会原谅我所做的一切。我爱你。
很爱恨爱你的傻瓜字

• 10.21pm

trial 2day was really bad n it has been quite a long time since i last bowled so badly, an avg of only i think 130 n i doubt i'll be able to get into the team. :(

juz onli 2day i realised that bowling can be so boring, uninteresting n unenjoyable w/o u bowling with me by my side. every ball that i throw, be it a strike, a spare or it goes into the gutter( long kang) really serve no purpose to me anymore. i cant see the joy i used to have for bowling anymore coz no matter how well or how worse i bowled, i really feel nth already. n also u did say u hate the face of me when i bowl, coz my expression is ugly. so i have decided to stop bowling in the near future no matter whether i make it into the team or not. maybe till the day i have gotten over u completely or i can feel my passion for bowling again, i will start to bowl again bah. or till the day u ask me out for bowling tgt, which is quite impossible i guess.

p.s.: 后悔不贴心会痛，恨不懂你会痛，想见不能见最痛
很爱恨爱你的傻瓜字

• 7.25pm

tml will be my bowling trial selection ler. so excited abt it lor. so 2day i went to safra tamp to bowl n get try to get used to the lanes for tml de games. played a total of 8 games with an avg of 159. highest game was 191 n lowest game was 119, which is the 1st game. 1st ball avg was 8.3. hope i can get selected n get into TP de bowling team as the team is full of elites n im sure i can get to learn alot if i get in the teams. really hope that u'll be there tml to give me the support that i need n share the joy with me if i really get selected coz i really wanna share my happiness n joy with u. with ur support, i believe that i'll be able to make it de. tml its going to be 10am @ safra tamp. hope to see u there.

1 song that i wanna dedicate to u gal, which is 永不消失的彩虹 by 卓文宣。the lyrics goes like this:

我看见你的瞳孔 看见的那片天空
你指尖尽头 架空属於我的梦
那是清澈的星河 那是橘色的云朵
遥远的天国 建筑这一道彩虹

^你把我眼底的寂寞 彩绘成缤纷的宇宙
跟在你身后 带我静静遨游

*请不要放开我的双手
不要缺席我的以后
请留给我 慢慢消失的那一道彩虹
已经习惯你的双手
牵著我的那种温柔
只有你懂 我会流泪是因为最深处的感动

我以为天是黑的 你忽然放了烟火
我才发现我 生命可以很闪烁

^ *

请不要关掉我的镜头
不要熄灭我的以后
快给黑夜 永不消失的那一道彩虹
已经习惯我的双手
你能感受我的颤抖
只要你懂 我会流泪是因为最深处的感动

this morning i wake up late lar!!!!!!!! coz actually i had a lecture @ 9am n usually i will wake up @ 6.30am n reach school by 8.30am for breakfast but when i wake up n look into my phone, it was 0723!!!!!!! i overslpt for ard an hour lar. n i didnt hear the alarm rings when i actually rmbed setting it last nite. so rushed to school n reach on time @ 9am for lecture w/o my breakfast which i usually will have. lecture ended @ 11am den when for lunch b4 the bloody scene comes @ 12pm.

the bloody scene was actually during our haematology lab 2day as we r suppose to draw blood for our lab partners by pricking the finger n allow blood to drip into the tube. 2day im the doctor n my partner is the guinea pig coz i'll be pricking her finger. so according to the procedures, went to wear gloves n take the lancet with alcohol preps n plaster. all is ready to go. she is veri afraid of the pain coz she have not experience finger prick b4 which i actually had for thousands of times, despite me teling her its not going to hurt, she is so freak out when i took the lancet n ready to go. but in the end, she finally overcome herself . then i prick her on the left hands de middle finger, her blood juz doesnt flow out much into the tube despite applying pressure n such. n due to my mishandling, my whole glove was actually stained with her blood!!!! at that moment, it was as if im a murderer or something when my fren ask me wat i have done. aft that 1 of my frens came to help mi with the blood taking n she manage to obtain quite a few drips of her blood which i onli manage to force 2 drips out frm her finger. aft all this den she went to wash her hands n i put on the plaster for her on her poor finger. i can onli say that im clumsy n have to apologise her for all the pain she have to suffer bcoz of me. but nx wk she will have the chance to revenge on me liao coz nx wk will be my turn to be guinea pig already. wonder how she will treat me nx wk . lab ended @ 3pm den aft that went to discuss abt our assignment n finally can leave school @ 5pm.

2day while on the way home i listen to my mp3 n heard these 2 songs, 记得 by ah mei n 对的人 by 戴爱玲. when i heard these 2 songs the 1st person i think of is u. coz this 2 songs are the songs that u like to sing in KTV. still rmbed u 飙不到 that 对的人 in the 1st part of the song until the last part u finally did it n u are very happy abt it. n that 记得 is the song u always sing when we chatted on the phone last time. hope i still have the chance to hear u sing that to me again. its really very nice n i like it very much. n i oso receive a msg n the sender used this '^^'. the moment i see this u oso came into my mind. coz i rmbed u tends to use '^^' in most of ur msges n msn. when such things hppn, i juz cant stop my brain cells frm thinking abt u. coz these r the memories thats i'll never ever forget. there is a movie i would wan to catch it with u coz i think the show quite nice n meaningful, which is called 'ramen girl'. that movie will show in cinema on the 7th of may. hope u will get to see this msg n let me know if u interested to watch that show with me bah.

p.s.: 人有悲欢离合，月有阴晴圆缺，此事古难全。但愿人长久，千里共婵娟。
很爱恨爱你的傻瓜字

• 11.35pm

juz heard over the news that the swine influenza has taken the lives of 152 individuals within i think like a wk or so?!! thats really alot can? n that virus is spreading very fast as it had struck many other countries such as new zealands, england, USA, china and probably HK n thailands. according to experts, the swine influenza may be pandemic as it is spreading faster than SARS n the mortality rate is extremly high i suppose. the last pandemic influenza outbreak was in 1968 which killed a million worldwide!!!!!!!! so ppl, please maintain personal hygiene such as cover ur mouth when sneezing n coughing, wash ur hands throughly with soap. avoid contact with ppl who had juz came back frm america or mexico. coz thats suspected to be the origin of the influenza.

the bad thing is that im having my attachment soon in june!!!!!!!!! which is going to be at the clinical labs in hospitals!!!!!! so hope the swine influenza does not hit singapore n will never hit singapore. if not, im in god damn big trouble. its either i have to kiss my attachment gdbye n repeat another yr if it hits singapore b4 june 22nd, or if it hits singapore during my attachments, i might risk frm getting the influenza virus coz im working in hospital de clinical labs. both cases is equally bad. so yah, pls pray that the swine influenza will never hit singapore.

juz heard this song randomly frm my mp3 2day n i find that the lyrics can describe best how im feeling rite now. the song is rather old, its a 2002 song frm a boy band 5566 named 'without your love'. here is how the lyrics goes:

盛夏的午后漫无目地的走
火红的星球怎么温暖不了我
你走了以后只留下寒冬
回忆的天空再看不见彩虹
雨下的太多怎么打进我心头
渐渐淹没我逃不开伤痛

*我躲在你给的体温
散尽后你却不加温
我痴痴等 痴痴的冷
刻在胸膛上的吻痕
深刻却找不到永恒
心碎陪我哭到无声
我痴痴等 只能痴痴冷

缤纷的周末黑色才属于我
拥挤的人群怎么留我在角落
想你的笑容像拥有宇宙
带给我快乐只因为有你
*
谁能替代你来拼凑
我散落一地的美梦
再听不见你说爱我
without your love， without your love

p.s.: 能帮我加点温度吗？我真的感觉好冷好冷, 拜托
很爱恨爱你的傻瓜字

• 1.10am

2day is a super sian de day for mi lor. as per normal went to sch for a 9am tutorial and supposingly it should end at 11am, but it ended at ard 9.45am!!! thats freaking early lar. n 2day we do not have the 12-3pm lab for MMic. so u know wat, my nx lesson is going to be at 4pm in the aftnoon!!!!!!!! WTF, i have like more then 6hrs of break in between, so wat to do? meet up with my grp members to do all my pending assignments lor, no choice. coz got alot of assignments going on concurrently. we do till ard 12noon before going for our lunch n continued at 1pm again till 3 pm. den we had BBank lecture frm 4-6pm. luckily alvin poh 2day crack a few lamb(e) jokes during the lecture to prevent me frm slping in the lecture hall. coz im damn drained n tired doing those case study assignments. its not done for the day yet. i still got APEL frm 6-7pm. who on earth will plan lessons to be at 6-7pm on the timetable?!!! thats why i say the tut is officially for resting n slping.

aft my lessons, called up bing cong n we went SUBWAY @ TAMPINES 1 for our dinner for the day. FYI, i had not been to SUBWAY for going to 3 mths liao n everything there was juz as nice, the subs i ordered which is subway melts, the drinks n esp. the cookies. damn freaking nice can!!!!!! i think U will like them if u take them coz its full of the 'chocolatey' taste esp the chocolate chip cookies, i promised to get them for u 1 day:) aft that den headed straight home via bus 969 reach home at ard 10pm.

also, i had decided to join TP bowling as a CCA n there is going to be a trial selection conducted on this coming saturday 10am @ SAFRA tampines. so do come down if u r free to take a look bah. it has been such a long time since i last trained for bowling as a team already lor. the last time was during my sec.3 n its like ard 4 yrs+ liao n so excited abt that. coz i hope by obtaining the training, i can really hit an average score of ard 170-180 like that, coz now my avg is only ard 150+. so yah, looking forward to saturday de trial selection.

hope that i can be part of the TP bowling team 2009!!!!!!!!!!!!

p.s.: 关于你的一切，我都不会忘记，希望你也是一样:)
很爱很爱你的傻瓜字

• 11.03pm

the weather this few days is really unbearable!!!!! i can be sweating profusely juz by sitting in front of the com doing my assignments, n this is really unbearable. i think the world is going to explode in no time if this carries any further. i feel like im living inside an oven everyday lor:( but at least the weather today is still alrite, not as bad as compared to the past few days as it rained the whole aftnoon juz now. so wasnt really sweating juz now when im studying n doing my research.

i have finished my preliminary research on my MMic report n it took like ard 3 hrs to finish on that. n juz went to listen to alvin poh's e-lec on topic 2 on haemopoiesis, his lectures are really wonderful!!! i should say ;) coz they are veri detailed n can be understand easily, at least thats wat i feel n i should compliment him on that.

my life feels so dry n empty w/o u by my side. whenever i see u online each time, i have the urge to chat with u, but im afraid of disturbing u frm ur work. even if i msned u, the reply didnt came. despite knowing that the reply wont come, i still check ur active chat window every 10 mins to see if there is a reply. the feeling of unable to chat with u or contact u is really unbearable. i dunno how much longer i can hang on to the life w/o u coz i can say that im thinking of u n missing u every min, every sec n no matter wat i do, u'll still come into my mind. im not sure how long will i have to wait before u'll talk to me, but no matter wat, i juz cannot n i dun wan to let u get out of my life coz w/o u, i dunno how to carry on with my life anymore as i cant get back to the life im used to be in already. i'll juz hope that u'll contact me as soon as u feel like it bah. really miss the times when im with u, everything were wonderful, the feelings, the memories even the times when u tortured me by bruising my whole arm, it was wonderful, really. but only if time can be reversed, i hope that those times will come back to me again even though chances are small i know that.

p.s.: 关于你的一切，我想要比谁都懂 miss u always gal :)
很爱很爱你的傻瓜字

• 6.37pm

1st wk of my school was in a way gd n in another way bad as 1st wk we do not have any tutorials n labs. so school sort of ended veri early on most of the days this wk. but the bad thing is that in the 5 days of this week, we already have 4 assignments!!! thats really hell man:( 1 of them will due in 2 days time which is on monday and 2 of them will due the following week and the last 1 will due in 6 weeks time as thats will require us to write a report on a case study.

the bad thing is that we change class again. with new faces n with ppl that i have nv work with i feel sort of uncomfortable as my clicks last sem is another class different from me again n it means that i have to readapt to the class n enviromnent different from last sem n for ur info, im a person with low adaptability n dislike changes so much coz i simply cant adapt to new environment that easily. but ya, no choice as im not the director of the school n cant change that, so i juz have to accept n adapt to it

im not used to blogging as this is my 1st time doing it. n the reason of my creating a blog is to express my feelings abt a gal that i know recently. though i only know her for slightly more than 1 mth, but i have went out with her for 11 times in that 1 mth n the feeling when im with her is really 'undescribable'. i have nv met a gal like her that would give me this kind of feelings. everything was going fine n smooth sailing until 1 fine day i lied to her for knowing her blog but not letting her know. as she didnt want to let me know her blog initially coz she said that the time is not ripe, but when she knew that i know her blog w/o letting her know that, she was angry. n since then, everything was like going wrong for us. the things that i do starts to irritate her n make her angry n 1 fine day during our outing, i did something really wrong to her which i shouldnt mention abt it here n she was furious with me coz wat i did was really unforgivable.n since then, she gave me a cold shoulder n was ignoring me, wont ans my calls nor reply my msges. coz in the past, we used to talk on the phone everyday n night till we slp n we spent at least 3 hrs chatting with each other on the phone n that is wat i really miss rite now. i dun really have the chance to talk to her ever since that incident as she still hvn forgive me for wat i have done n since school has started, she's veri busy with her school work as there are lots of assignments n projects, i really dunno when will be the nx time we meet each other. i wan to let u know that i really miss the times when i go out with u as the feeling u give me is something i hvn get to experience in my 18+ going to 19 yrs of life. those memories r flashing back in my mind every now n then. even during lectures, i cant really concentrate as all my mind is filled with u n nth else but u. i know its my final yr already n i shouldnt let this affect my studies but im really trying veri hard not to. n also i did listen to ur words, i nv do any last min assignments n projects liao. i have already started on 3 out of the 4 assignments thats is given to me on the 1st wk, so ya, i wont let u down de n i tell u my GPA will rise again de, not only for this sem. juz wanna let u know that my feelings for u nv change since the day i know u n i know it will nv change. i still miss u as much as ytd or i guess maybe more. i'll buck up on my studies n promise me u oso will. n also, slp early gal, dun stay up till so late anymore, its not gd for ur health.

shall end here n cont with my assignments already:)

• 2.31pm